December 28, 2006 – Catahigh/Catalao

Early the next morning, like around 11 am, I was expecting to wake up with the worst hangover of the year. Much to my surprise, it must have gotten lost in the time zone change. I don’t know if it was the sugar in the caipirinha, the light Brazilian beer or the fact that I had already sweat my own body weight since arriving, but I was relatively toxin free. I don’t often quote Yakov Smirnoff and probably will never do so again, but “what a country!”

If you have never been to Brazil, allow me illuminate. Let’s pretend you and some of your frat brothers are hanging around the Delta Sig house on a Sunday afternoon doing nothing in particular. For whatever reason, one of your frat brothers proclaims that he is going to quit school and start his own country. You and the other brothers humor him and begin debating the finer points of his new country. You make a short-list of “must haves.” They include:

- Beautiful, Tanned Women Everywhere

- Barbequed Beef with Every Meal

- No Salads

- Super Size Beers that are also Super Cold

- Cheap, cheap, cheap

- No Hangovers

- Motels designed for the sole purpose of “quickies”

This, my friends, is Brazil. It is a mythical country designed by hung over frat boys.

Now that the traveling was over for the time being, things began to slow down, and the full effect of Brazil started to sink in. Yeah, it was hot, but I was getting used to simmering in my own gravy. It was laid back. Things didn’t happen on time, but it was OK. I went with Todd to Cassiano’s house. It’s wasn’t much from the street, but man was it cool inside. Amongst other things, he had a refrigerator dedicated to beer. I wondered if he would adopt me.

As a group, we all went downtown and did a little shopping. If you think 20, pastie-faced Americans don’t stick out in a Brazilian town far off the tourist track, you are mistaken. After checking to see if my zipper was down about a thousand times, I got used to the constant staring. Regardless, the people were still incredibly friendly. I got a battery for my watch. It died somewhere over Venezuela. It cost me like 4 Reals. Since the money looks like the same stuff from my Monopoly game, I surmised that I got a bargain. Patty bought glasses to replace the ones that broke (also somewhere over Venezuela). Note to self: avoid Venezuela. We can’t afford it.

Prior to the wedding, other things happened in no particular order. We attended the rehearsal. The church was hot. It occurred to me that the wedding may very well turn out to be a spectacle of fainting gringos. We toured around in a bus. We visited a church. We ate more BBQ’d beef served to us on big sticks. We drank more beer. We sweated. We had a blast.

Todd, Brian and I stayed up until 3am that night. Todd regaled us with stories about the beaches in Rio. He told us he wore a Speedo the last time he was there. Brian and I ordered more beer in an attempt to burn that image out of our minds forever. It didn’t work. I have since started therapy.

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